Monday, 6 March 2017

All hail the nappy

This week Mr S did something for the first time. He told me he needed to poo, he then got to the potty and did the poo in time. He normally falls short and has already done it in his pull ups by the time he has told me and we’ve got his pants down. But not this day, this day he made it. My gosh was he proud of himself and I was proud of him.  He stood up cheering and dancing and I was cheering and dancing along with him.

Then came Mr S favourite part of potty training. Taking it to the toilet, tipping the number ones and number twos in and then flushing. I don’t know why he loves this so much, I imagine because he sees grown ups use a toilet so it makes him feel like a big boy. Once we had finished the dancing we turned to get the potty and do the toilet run.

What happened next happened in slow motion.  THE DOG ATE IT! Yes you read that correctly. George my cheeky ‘overweight’ Jack Russell ate the shit. He didn’t even chew. He clearly knew what he was doing was wrong and that if he got caught he would be told not to eat it, so as quickly as he could he practically inhaled a toddlers turd.

I spent the next hour reliving the traumatic experience and dry heaving. I also spent the next hour listening to Mr S throw a tantrum because ‘Gorge’, which is what he calls George the dog, had eaten his poo and he didn’t get to flush it.

Potty training is so bloody stressful.

If the poo eating incident wasn’t bad enough there was more

1. Chasing after a toddler, waving a potty like a mad woman because he has a log hanging out of his cheeks and in his words doesn’t want it out.
2. Having your little boy sat at the side of the toilet, sobbing, because you flushed his wee in the toilet and he wanted to keep it.
3. Your younger child celebrating his older brothers use of the potty by picking up the potty and drinking piss.
4. Your toddler carrying a piece of poo too you because it came out on the floor.

It’s ridiculous.  When you have a baby and you change that first overly gross mustard nappy with only teeny wool balls and warm water , you  think to yourself this is it. This is the worst it can be. It can’t get any worse than  this, and it doesn’t, it actually does get better. The poops start to solidify a bit, you even get the odd cheeky one wipe. Then it happens the health visitor/grandma/friend mentions potty training. You get a bit cocky, I can do this you think, how hard can it be you think. You buy a potty, storybooks about a little boy who craps in all the right places, you Google tips on potty training. You got this mama bear.


Then you start trying, you get pissed on in the first hour and there’s a poo in your shoe. throw away the books, delete your Internet history, it’s all garbage. The only tip when it comes to potty training, persevere, buy a couple of mop heads and start finding poo funny.

Good day to you.

25 comments:

  1. This post actually made me laugh! Can't believe George ate it xo

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  2. Oh my god, can't believe the dog actually ate the poo!

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  3. This has made my laugh so much! I don't have kids but I've been on nappy duty with my baby nephew - I'll let my brother know that the worst is still yet to come! haha! xo

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  4. Hahahaha, OMG this is an AMAZING post! I'm pretty sure you've just put into words what a lot of us feel on a daily basis! All I can say is, it really does get better... :)

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    1. I'm keeping everything crossed that your right

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  5. OMGH I genuinely laughed out loud!! This story has made my day! I can't believe it..omgh hahaha I'm showing this to my sister as she has all this delight to come

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  6. oh this made me laugh but if these happened to me I wouldn't find it amusing :D

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    1. In hindsight it's amusing. At the time it was vomit inducing.

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  7. Oh no, I can't believe the dog ate it!! I have all this fun to look forward at some point in the future but I'm so glad to see some honest (and hilarious) writing about it! :) Good luck with the rest of the potty training. x

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  8. omg how funny, that dog, what was he thinking lol! x

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    1. He was thinking.....dinner tasted like crap.

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  9. Apparently the same thing happened to me when I was being potty trained... And I was devastated because I wanted to keep the poo to show Daddy when he got home from work!!!! Sounds like your little one is getting the hang of it now so hopefully it'll all be over soon :)

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    1. How funny. You were so proud of your poop

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  10. Oh dear god I'm potty training two toddlers right now. I didn't need to read this! But actually I did, how do I subscribe?

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    1. Enter your email address in the sidebar subscription hun

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  11. This made me laugh, potty training is such a stressful time!! It seems like you're winning though :-)

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  12. Lol why did he want to keep the wee? And your dog?! Haha
    Time for a reality TV show

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  13. This made me laugh so loud - I cannot believe the dog ate the poo - is he okay?
    Laura x

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  14. omg really, so yucky! as for potty training its a hard task!

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  15. I am crying with laughter, that dog!!! So, so funny, and very true.

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